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If you feel
overwhelmed, uncomfortable or embarrassed
You are not
alone!
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Sexuality education
includes:
- How we feel about ourselves... it is
with us all the time.
- How we relate to others as males or
as females.
- Our attitudes, values, and morals.
- Includes physical, social, psychological, and value issues.
- Is about raising a sexually healthy child.
- Needs to be discussed openly and honestly.
- Is influenced by our own background.
- Is a natural part of raising our children.
- Facts about growth, development,
anatomy, conception, seminal emissions, intercourse, contraception, fetal development,
birth, delivery, and responsibilities.
Tips for parents:
- Communication tips when you are in a tough spot or anytime!:
- When your child asks a question, ask them what they think...
- This allows you:
- more information about what the child is asking
- an idea of what your child does and doesn't know
- more time to think about how you are going to answer the question!
- let's your child know that their ideas are important to you
- Go to the library and get out a book or video to gain information or support your answers.
- Answer
questions honesty and simply. If you don't know, say so and find the
answer. If you need time, say so and come back in ten minutes (make
sure it's not ten years!)
- Dealing with four letter words:
- ask for understanding of word ( in a clam, non-threatening voice)
- demystify the word
- be aware that the child may be using the word for attention
- don't over-react; your child may not understand the meaning or purpose of th word
- present your rational feelings about the word calmly
- How to be an "Askable" Parent
- become knowledgeable on growth and development issues
- examine your own barriers
- use the teachable moment because although children may want to know something they may not ask
- give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable
- be honest
An "Askable" Parent is someone who:
- can be approached for information and guidance
- listens to a child and tries to answer questions accurately
- knows what a child is able to understand at different ages
- encourages a child to ask questions
- is willing to repeat answers until a child is satisfied with the information
- finds the answers when he/she doesn't know them
- shares their feelings about sexuality and the valuable part it plays in being human
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Sexuality Information Needed by Adolescents:
- Sex-Related Activities
- human sexuality as an aspect of one's total personality
- emotional and social needs and changes during adolescence
- understanding the positive roles of sexuality in one's life
- Values
- the adolescent's experiences, attitudes, and feelings about sexual activity
- understanding the challenges of adolescent marriage and pregnancy
- clarity of one's own values and emotional needs
- Pressure
- how to avoid unwanted sexual experiences
- greater understanding of sexual exploitation among adolescents
- ability to assert oneself when refusing to participate in sexual activities or when insisting on the use of birth control
- Birth Control
- understanding the probability of becoming or making someone pregnant as a result of unprotected intercourse
- advantages, disadvantages, and effective use of contraceptive methods
- the facts and fallacies about methods
- comfort in asking about and asking for contraception
- understanding where to obtain contraception
- Skills
- decision-making and problem-solving techniques
- understanding one's own responsibility for one's behavior
- increased self-esteem
- communication skills, including being able to talk with one's actual or potential partner about sexual behavior
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The ABC's of Sexuality Communication
A BE ASKABLE
Does your child feel it's
OK to talk with you about sexuality? If not, have you thought about who
will answer your child's questions? Only you can tell your child that
it's OK to ask you questions-that you're askable.
Here are some traits of an askable parent. An askable parent...
- shows respect, value, and love for children.
- realized that every difficult situation is not a crisis.
- wants communication, but doesn't expect to have all the answers.
- knows the most important part of communication is listening.
- doesn't laugh when a child asks a question, even in reaction to the child's cuteness.
- doesn't expect to be perfect, and knows that admitting mistakes a valuable lesson for the child.
- is sometimes embarrassed by sexuality, but acknowledges the discomfort and explains it to the child.
Children are more likely to talk to an approachable parent. If you demonstrate all of the qualities, you are very askable.
B BUILD BRIDGES
These techniques have helped other parents improve communication with their children.
Discover and explain why talking about sexuality may be difficult. There are many reasons why parents hesitate to talk about sexuality. A parent may...
- feel embarrassed or lack confidence in answering questions.
- be afraid that talking about sexuality will encourage sexual activities.
- feel uncomfortable thinking of children as sexual beings.
- think the child is not ready for the information.
- not have thought through or talked about family values and beliefs.
All these feelings are very normal! Accept whatever discomfort you experience when discussing sexuality.
Consider what might happen if you do not talk with your child.
If a
child doesn't learn about sexuality issues from a parent, the child
will learn about sexuality elsewhere - from friends, magazines,
television, and other sources. This information can be incorrect,
confusing, and may not agree with the parent's beliefs. Research shows
that uninformed children are at greater risk of early sexual activity,
sexually transmitted diseases (including AIDS), pregnancy, sexual
exploitation, and abuse.
Focus on your goals.
Even if you are uncomfortable talking about sexuality, the purpose of these conversations with your child is usually to:
- answer questions and eliminate fears
- build the child's self-confidence
Plan how to respond to questions.
Parents who
are uncomfortable talking about sexuality may find it helpful to plan
what they will say and how they might answer their child's questions.
When your child asks a question or does something that triggers a
teachable moment, you may find this three step response format useful:
- Make sure you know what the child is asking. (Ask your child, "Do you mean...?" or "Do you want to know about...?")
- Discover why the child is asking. Is your child trying to:
- check a fact?
- make sure he or she is normal?
- test your knowledge?
- explore his or her values?
- satisfy curiosity?
3. After you've decided what to say, keep it short and simple.
Respond immediately to your child's need to know.
Even if your child asks a question at a difficult time, it is better to
answer right away, if only briefly. you can always resume the
discussion later when you have collected your thoughts or when you have
more privacy.
- Sexually transmitted infections (STIs):
- how transmitted
- how prevented
- how treated
Be sensitive to your expressions and gestures.
The way
you answer a question is sexuality education, too. Don't forget to
smile, and remember that a good sense of humor can help communication.
Take the initiative, if necessary.
If, by age six, your child isn't asking questions, it's up to you to
find moments to begin talking about sexuality issues. The earlier you
begin communicating with your child, the easier it will be.
Get and give support.
Talk with other parents and see how they're doing. Find out about
sexuality education programs offered by your school, religious
organization, or other community service groups.
If you have any concerns about your child's development, talk with your
health care provider, knowledgeable family members, or other parents.
Reach out to others for information, understanding, and ideas on how to
maintain open communication with your child. Support from others can
help you and your child through the awkwardness and uncertainty of
dealing with sexuality education.
C CONTINUE TO LEARN
Anticipate your child's questions by learning the stages of sexual development.
Behaviors vary widely, refer to the "What kids need to know" link below
to understand the general process of sexual development during
childhood.
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Touch
your child in a positive, supportive way as often as possible
What kids need to know | Healthy Sexuality
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